Do you remember the 90’s when shopping in Milan was as much fun as flunking a school exam? Every time you entered a store you had a shop assistant (SHOP ASS for short) breathing down your neck and if you dared to touch anything at all you would get the same kind of treatment as when you finally dared to confront the school bully and got a beating instead.
The store - a shopping haven of colours and textures just begging to be touched and mishandled, so near and yet so far.... And as you choose to break the rules and move your arm in the direction of temptation, the enticing items are suddenly immersed in darkness as a large figure looms over you from behind and the music is drowned out by the intimidating tone of the shop ass as she spits venom:
“DON”T touch that! If you want to see it, POINT to the one you want and I will SHOW it to you!” Sound familiar?
Sometimes my hair would stand on end and my heart rate would suddenly increase. I mean shopping should be an exciting experience, your heart should race because you have bought something that you have touched and smelled and touched again, and the only words you should hear is ‘how may I help you spend your money?”
Thank goodness we have come a long way since then, but it can still be trying at the best of times. Even in shops like Zara in Via Torino, the employees who work in the dressing rooms behave like little prima donnas. I feel like slapping them sometimes. They never smile, always look pissed off and act as if they are doing you a favour, which means that they feel they can boss you about with “ you can go!, hold on!, wait! do not pass go! do not collect 200 pounds! you know what I mean? It’s worse than trying to get into Armani Prive’ on a bad hair day!
Shoe shops are the worst. Especially if you venture toward the shoe display window. You want to instantly piss off a shop ass? That’s the place to be. Listen for the shriek of surprise as you venture to lift your arm in that direction. And as you dare to lift the merchandise from its allocated spot, which involved hours of shop ass strategic planning, 9 times out of 10 you will hear “No madam, you cannot touch!’. I CANNOT touch??
Recently I was out with a client shopping and we entered a boutique in Via Manzoni. The moment we stepped into the shop we were assailed by a pierced-lipped-school-mistress-type shop ass who was clearly bothered by our presence. We were looking at scarves, and dare I mention it, we were TOUCHING the merchandise. It was like returning to the 90’s all over again -the squeal of surprise, the heavy and impatient plod of the shoes as the shop ass came toward us and the venom. But this time things were different. My hair didn’t stand on end nor did my heart rate increase. I asked another shop assistant (they deserve the word written in full when they are lovely!) to help my client while I took the shop ass aside, put my arm around her shoulders and mentioned that the next time I saw the CEO of the brand I would say hi to him on her behalf.....
And the worst experience of all, so far? In Brera. It had recently opened and I was curious to see its collections. I tried on quite a few garments but none of them really fit. I thanked the lady and said I would be back soon to see future collections for my clients to which she replied “ Don’t bother, you’ve wasted my time and bought nothing!” I looked at her in disbelief. I informed her that I was a journalist and that she would be hearing from me. She actually followed me out of the store and shouting hysterically “ You are nothing but a ‘pezzente’ (trash), and a ‘morte di fame!’ (as poor as a beggar). I was dumb-founded! Thank goodness I was wearing my Gucci coat and Prada handbag that day!
I mean who are these women? They are obviously in dire need of therapy or at the very least SEX and more SEX. Shopping is meant to be fun and all we get is a prima donna attitude from many repressed and frustrated women. It must be laborious waiting on people day in and day out but honestly I can think of much worse jobs. Maybe they should pack in their job and start cleaning toilets in one of the Autogrills on the motorway. Maybe this will give them a different perspective on life and make them realise that the true art of being a shop assistant lies in making a client feel beautiful and special when they spend money at their store.
giovedì 18 febbraio 2010
mercoledì 17 febbraio 2010
HOW TO BEHAVE ON A FIRST DATE
Let me, first, introduce myself. I'm a Londoner, have lived in Milan for about 3 years and I go under the pseudonym of Bitch about Town. Before I venture further, I just wanted to clarify the term Bitch. It's not the term we use when your supposed best friend tries to seduce your boyfriend or purposely tries to show you up in public. No, I am referring to the Bitch as in the woman who maintains her dignity through thick and thin in all areas of her life, particularly when it comes down to her love life. And that’s what we are going to talk about today. The bitch I am referring to won't chase a man and certainly won't give up her life for him. She'll put him in his place when he steps over the line and won't let herself be swept away by a romantic fantasy. Yet she is feminine and subtle. There are no games, no calculated moves - she shows the guy she is dating that she is happy with her own life and that from one moment to the next, if he behaves badly, she could become unavailable to him.
Bitch about town's first date
First date, there's excitement but also composure. You dress to suit yourself - the way you dress will set the tone and convey certain messages about you. As women we know that when we dress sexily the messages we are giving out are: 'hey you, I'm a beautiful woman and I can have any man I want, so you better treat me right!' At the same time we are stroking the guy's ego because, out of all the fish in the sea, we have chosen to go out with him. He, on the other hand, is thinking, 'oh wow, she's really into me'!
On your very first date, if he brings up the subject of his ex or exes, nonchalantly look at your watch as if you are missing out on something great and when he stops talking long enough for you to politely change the subject, do so. Smile to yourself in the knowledge that he is probably feeling very insecure right now and therefore needs to brag about his conquests. And be rather wary of why he would be talking about a failed relationship to a complete stranger.
Another word of advice, if he starts asking questions about your ex, do not divulge any information. You hardly know the guy and the least information you give, the more intrigued he will be anyway.
When you go out on that first date, tell him you are not looking for something serious at the moment. Don't start saying that you are looking for your soulmate, or even worse, someone to look after you and have kids with. This will just make him run. By appearing unavailable he will relax and think, 'okay, this girl just wants to have fun' and he will let his barriers down. He can't anticipate what will happen next and this creates an element of excitement. He feels free. Before he knows it he will have fallen for you without realising it. And then you can start talking about the kids!
Most of the women in Milan are beautiful, skinny, sex goddesses AND single, busily bitching about the opposite sex. They warn me about how men in Milan move from one woman to another because there is so much choice out there. They are perfect gentlemen until they sleep with you and then they disappear. Do I see it? Yes and no. Men are just being men. Perhaps it's down to us to educate them in the true acts of courtship. Perhaps it is we who are letting them get away with everything. If Italian girls stuck together more, there would be a lot less single woman around. (I will talk about this in one of my next articles!) The first thing on a guy's mind is SEX. When he takes you out on that first date all he is thinking about is how he can get you into bed. That is normal. He is genetically programmed to think this way. If you make it too easy for him, he will probably get bored because he no longer perceives you as a challenge. Remember, men love challenges - they love to play football, sky dive, drive fast cars and motorbikes, they dream of becoming fighter pilots and firemen as children. How many men would let go of the chance of being Top Gun for a day? If you sleep with your date immediately he's probably thinking, 'um I wonder if she’s like this with every man?’ and you may lose his respect forever. An Italian guy, Stefano, once told me that after he had slept with a woman on their first date, he called her a cab in the middle of the night and she was forced to leave. The worst thing about all this is that she's still speaking to him! Excuse me?!
Remember that Stefano or someone like him could very well be your next date. So think twice before you become just another addition to his long list of conquests!
Bitch about town's first date
First date, there's excitement but also composure. You dress to suit yourself - the way you dress will set the tone and convey certain messages about you. As women we know that when we dress sexily the messages we are giving out are: 'hey you, I'm a beautiful woman and I can have any man I want, so you better treat me right!' At the same time we are stroking the guy's ego because, out of all the fish in the sea, we have chosen to go out with him. He, on the other hand, is thinking, 'oh wow, she's really into me'!
On your very first date, if he brings up the subject of his ex or exes, nonchalantly look at your watch as if you are missing out on something great and when he stops talking long enough for you to politely change the subject, do so. Smile to yourself in the knowledge that he is probably feeling very insecure right now and therefore needs to brag about his conquests. And be rather wary of why he would be talking about a failed relationship to a complete stranger.
Another word of advice, if he starts asking questions about your ex, do not divulge any information. You hardly know the guy and the least information you give, the more intrigued he will be anyway.
When you go out on that first date, tell him you are not looking for something serious at the moment. Don't start saying that you are looking for your soulmate, or even worse, someone to look after you and have kids with. This will just make him run. By appearing unavailable he will relax and think, 'okay, this girl just wants to have fun' and he will let his barriers down. He can't anticipate what will happen next and this creates an element of excitement. He feels free. Before he knows it he will have fallen for you without realising it. And then you can start talking about the kids!
Most of the women in Milan are beautiful, skinny, sex goddesses AND single, busily bitching about the opposite sex. They warn me about how men in Milan move from one woman to another because there is so much choice out there. They are perfect gentlemen until they sleep with you and then they disappear. Do I see it? Yes and no. Men are just being men. Perhaps it's down to us to educate them in the true acts of courtship. Perhaps it is we who are letting them get away with everything. If Italian girls stuck together more, there would be a lot less single woman around. (I will talk about this in one of my next articles!) The first thing on a guy's mind is SEX. When he takes you out on that first date all he is thinking about is how he can get you into bed. That is normal. He is genetically programmed to think this way. If you make it too easy for him, he will probably get bored because he no longer perceives you as a challenge. Remember, men love challenges - they love to play football, sky dive, drive fast cars and motorbikes, they dream of becoming fighter pilots and firemen as children. How many men would let go of the chance of being Top Gun for a day? If you sleep with your date immediately he's probably thinking, 'um I wonder if she’s like this with every man?’ and you may lose his respect forever. An Italian guy, Stefano, once told me that after he had slept with a woman on their first date, he called her a cab in the middle of the night and she was forced to leave. The worst thing about all this is that she's still speaking to him! Excuse me?!
Remember that Stefano or someone like him could very well be your next date. So think twice before you become just another addition to his long list of conquests!
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